I love playing time-management games. Getting everything ordered just so, figuring out the ‘right’ order of actions to beat the timer and win the gold star. So why is it so hard for me to organize my time in real life? Is it the lack of simple, defined parameters, or just the dearth of gold stars?
It doesn’t help that I am forgetful on an Olympic level. I forget the names of family. Of friends. Of pets. I forget things I was going to do, things I was going to buy, and things I said just a minute ago. I have on two occasions genuinely forgotten my own name, at least for a minute. I am the reigning champion of ‘wait, why did I get up?’ and the record-holder for ‘…. I came in here looking for something‘. So perhaps it’s not surprising how frequently I forget that I’m trying to change my routines to get more writing/cooking/sleeping done.
But it’s frustrating, because this is something I *want* to do. Something that’s really important to me. So I have to wonder if this is genuine forgetting, or self-sabotage. Am I just putting it off because I’m afraid of not succeeding? Because as long as a finished manuscript is a dream not a reality, I don’t have to embark on the serial-rejection stage of the relationship? I won’t lie, I’m dreading that part. I’ve been known to weep over a scathing review of a piece of fan-fiction. Being spurned by agent after agent is going to leave me a wreck, I’m fully aware of that. But I have to go through that to reach the Spawning Ground of Publication, so putting it off isn’t helping.
Maybe I should start giving myself gold stars for goals achieved. I could put up a chart on the fridge, and try to reach ‘novelist’ in the shortest amount of time with as many gold stars as possible. It’s worth a shot, right?